The eve of Five

I didn't take a picture today. So I thought it would be a good excuse to resurrect an old photo. I'm having a hard time believing that Hayden will be 5 tomorrow. It's been FIVE years already. Each year, around the time of his birthday, I think back to where we were when he was born. And each year it feels more and more as though it was someone else that we visited in the hospital--it's just hard to believe that's the same boy.

Five years ago tonight, I was sitting in the antenatal unit at St. Joe's hospital in London. It had been five days since my water broke at home and I was back in a hospital bed playing the waiting game and wondering what would happen next. Ironically, this was the night that we had a chance to tour the NICU and get an idea of what it looked like and what our baby would look like at 29 weeks "IF" I went into labour. Little did we know just how helpful that bit of preparation would be. I went to bed that night with such a splitting headache and I was pretty sure I was coming down with something. That night was the first time that Hayden "failed" the biophysical test that they did every day. They decided to give it a day and see since it was just borderline. I went to bed and woke up at 5:15 with a pain that I immediately knew was a contraction. Strangely, it was hours later in triage before they decided "officially" that I was in labour even though I was certain of it all along.

Had I truly known at the time just how many things were not going in Hayden's favour, I'm sure I would have been more frightened. But I wasn't. I still don't know why. As strange as it sounds, I was relieved that day. I knew he wasn't safe where he was anymore and I had a job to do. And I just knew that he was going to be okay. So after 29 weeks and 2 days, Hayden was born and Scott almost missed the whole thing because he was in the cafeteria getting a BLT :)

He was born 11 weeks early, weighing 2lbs 11oz. Throughout the labour, his heartrate slowed during every contraction. The fluid levels were very low and each contraction was causing the umbilical cord to compress. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck, which further decreased the circulation to him (Later on, it all made sense why the nurses weren't talking much and they weren't making eye contact with me). When he was born, he wasn't breathing and had to be resuscitated and placed on a respirator for the first 12 hours of his life. We would later find out that there was also an infection in the amniotic fluid which could have caused further complications. We knew he had been hypoxic at some point, so there was a real possibility that he could have Cerebral Palsy. When he was just a few weeks old, he would be diagnosed with NEC (Necrotizing Enterocolitis), a very serious infection. But he got through all of it. Add a couple more infections to the list and a blood transfusion. He did all of it. Small but mighty.

Five years later and I have to work a little more at reminding myself of just how he started out. Strong-willed? Yes he is, and thank God for that :)